Dear Squirrels,

I don’t know most of you, but those of you that I do know I like very much. However, this morning while I attempted my first bike ride in quite a while it seems as though you all were effing with me.

Now I don’t know if this was a joke or just a few odd coincidences but several of you jumped in front of me while I was attempting to pass. I’m sure it was hilarious to those watching or those, ahem, involved as I must have had a look of sheer panic on my face.

Yeah, I slowed down and swerved and a few of you little rodents just stood there as if playing chicken with me. And this happened not once, not twice, but three times in the span of a 5.39 mile bike ride.

What the eff squirrels?

I mean, I brake for you, I don’t let my dog harass you and this is what I get? So go ahead and laugh it up if it was a joke. If it was a mere coincidence than I am willing to forgive the whole thing. But know this, I’ll be getting better on that damn bike and won’t be so quick to break and swerve the next time.

That is all.