Holy cow what a weekend! I’m am so freakin’ sore and sun-soaked from yesterday I don’t even know what to do with myself. Here’s what went down.

Friday morning P-Funk, Hollster, and I went out for a nice 8 miler. After which we met up with Coach EK at Panera for some delicious breakfast and chit chat. I then headed to the office and finished out what was a super crazy work week.

This brings us to yesterday.

My company signed up for an event on St. Pete Beach that consisted of about 200 corporate teams playing various outdoor sports. It basically boiled down to a beach field day. The games played were dodgeball, volleyball, corn toss (or corn hole), tug o war, and a surf and turf relay.

Upon signing up for this event, I figured what the heck. I love the beach, I love some sports, and I find most of my co-workers enjoyable. And in all actuality it turned out to be a pretty fun day. Now, you all know that I can’t compete in something with out it being a little discombobulated. Here’s the run down of what happened in list form (but of course):

1. Tug O War: B.o.B. got to play the first round but was then benched after a stronger (bigger) woman from our company showed up. Who gets benched in tug o war? Me. However, our team went on to the finals but lost due to poor strategy. (Yeah, there is strategy in tug o war. Who knew?)

2. Volleyball: Thank God B.o.B. didn’t have to play. She suck, suck, sucks at volleyball. But not to worry, my co-workers also suck, suck, suck at volleyball. In fact, had I played I could have been the star player. That’s how bad we were.

3. Dodgeball. I was not on a dodgeball team, but our players were amazing. It was some of the fanciest dodging I have ever seen. Like poetry in motion. They must have had some practice sessions with Ben Stiller. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

4. Corn Toss. So, I consider myself a pretty darn good corn tosser (that sounds gross). However, we only got to play one game. I personally think it should have been the best two out of three as I was not warmed up. I was also not drinking, which I normally do while playing corn toss. Lesson learned. Sober corn toss = bad corn tossin’ B.o.B.

5. Surf and Turf Relay. Wow. I don’t even know where to start with this. Ok, here’s how it goes. Four men carry one woman in an inner tube down to the water and then back up to a cone. She hops out of the tube and does the “dizzy bat.” It’s where you bend over a baseball ball and spin around 7 times. She then dizzily gets back into the tube and the men run her back to the start where a second woman jumps in and the process repeats. After these two turns, one man and one woman grab a kayak, head into the ocean, go around a buoy and come back to finish off the relay.

So I bet you are wondering which woman I was aren’t you?

Well fortunately, I didn’t have to do the dizzy bat. I did, however, kayak. It was a hot mess. Our team was in the lead. My partner and I ran grabbed the kayak and hit the water. You can think of my partner as T.O. Overall, on land, he’s a great athlete. In the water, not so much. As we get moving I realize my partner seemingly has zero idea as to how to paddle a kayak. Like at all. In fact, he repeatedly hit me in the head, back, neck and shoulders with his oar. We were the Ike and Tina Turner of kayaking. He just kept beating my ass.

Of course it didn’t help that the tide was so strong and pulling us so hard that when we finally gave up we realized we were so far down the beach and our team was just staring and laughing at us. I had to chuckle myself because I’m sure it looked hilarious. Me and a large black man in what I’m calling the Kayak Follies.

We couldn’t reach that damn buoy to save our lives. We were backward at one point and finally I just jumped in the water and started dragging us. All the while my partner was saying, “I’m so sorry!” Needless to say, we came in DEAD LAST. Oh and it’s all on video.

Won’t that be awesome to watch at the next company meeting?

All in all, it was very fun and we had a lot of laughs. Today, I am sunburned, sore and sleepy. I’m thinking about skipping my recovery run, but we’ll see how it goes.

I hope you all had great weekends.