“You don’t welcome me,” I replied.
“But of course we do. We always welcome a battle.”
I am so dramatic. I ran five hills last night. That’s more than I have done in a long time. Partly due to worry about Old Wonky (my ankle) and partly because more than 4 of those really hurt!
Thankfully P-Funk came out to run with me. It’s always easier to get through them if you have a buddy to talk with. In addition, to help you feel accountable. You both say you’re running 5 and well, 5 it is.
The BQ’ers were out there working it as well. They all had 10 slated and I must say I am so impressed. The dedication to run 10 hills AND at their pace is awe inspiring.
After, Speedy Jess and a small group of us were discussing confidence. I was surprised to learn that Speedy Jess does the same thing that I do. Before every run, she also thinks she won’t be able to do it. And then, she does, to no surprise to anyone else. The girl is strong.
It shouldn’t really come as a shock that we do this.* I think it’s a very female thing to do. Sometimes, at least in my opinion, women with lots of confidence are seen as arrogant and not very lady-like. We see male rappers, athletes, and celebrities talking about their greatness all the time and yet, not many female athletes toot their own horns as much. Sure a few slip in here and there (the Williams sisters occasionally, and they get flack for it).
I guess I am just delving further into my running confidence struggle. It could just be a B.o.B. thing and not at all a “universal woman” issue. Shoot, Madonna said she was going to take over the world in the 80’s and boy did she, in some respects. I personally feel that if I get too confident it’ll bite me in the butt. Now that I’ve got a new 5K PR all I can think is, “Crap. Can I do that again?” But should I be thinking the opposite? “I can go faster!”
*As I’m a tad nervous writing something controversial please know that no offense is meant, just asking the questions.
Wow, i thought you were talking about your other issues!!! Just kidding….. I think it might be a gender thang. I say that I'm the best hill runner that I know and try to carry that into every race that has a little bump in the road. It helps me get through most of them.
I am right there with you. I have zero confidence in my running. I am always convinced it's a fluke, even when times or challenges are met. You are right, I do believe it is a female thing. But dang, doesn't it feel good when we prove everyone else wrong, including ourselves!? I know I would be a way better runner if I could quite the negitive voices in my head – I need a sports psychologist like Kara Goucher!!!
It is never a question of "can I do it", but more a question of "how can I do it" that will carry you further. How much training, how many miles, what type of gear. These are the things that carry me to the next level again and again.
It's kind of interesting…I work with lawyers and we were just discussing the same thing. If a man is aggressive, works hard, & wins a lot, he is considered a good lawyer. If a woman does that she is called a "ball breaker" (one of the less offensive slurs) among other things.
Grr my comment got lost in cyberspace. Ok so first yes, I have had issues at work where people see my confidence as been too arrogant, so now I feel like I am reallllllly focused on being over the top nice sometimes.
In running, I finally decided I had to just start talking positively before each of my hard runs because they scare the POOP out of me and I need that mental confidence
I wish I had some smart ass comment for you, but I don't. So much of what we accomplish comes about as a state our mind. If we doubt we can, then most of the time we don't (note the lack ofthe word "can't" in the second part of that sentence). It's the pygmalion effect in action.
In my little world, I overcome this by remembering that I'm not going to win a cash purse or anything like that when I'm running, so my only competition is me. I just go out and try to do a little better each race. Most of the time it works. When it doesn't (like my last marathon) it just stokes the fire and drives me a little more….
Shouldn't you be back in the kitchen or something…
I've talked about this with a few friends as well and I do think the lack of confidence does tend to effect women more than men. Perhaps its been conditioned into us through our culture? I struggle with it constantly in work and running. I do agree with a few others that it's a mind game. Perhaps a mantra will help!
I think there are several different ways to approach the idea of confidence. Some of those create perceptions of arrogance that are gender neutral. Gender differences aside, when a person's (in my humble opinion) confidence comes off as the "I am better than you and I do not care what you say" type of confidence, I think that is arrogance and generally frowned upon (several past political figures and Kanye West fall neatly into this category, to some extent the Williams sisters, although I still love them). When a person is confident in their ability to succeed yet humble in doing so (ie recognizing no man or woman is an island), that confidence is generally admired. Although confidence in women is sexy, there is nothing wrong with being humble and admitting uncertainty. i think gender differences may play a larger role in that, historically, it has been socially unacceptable for the "masculine male" to admit fear. Whereas for women (in my opinion), that has not necessarily been the case (and, perhaps, quite the opposite). Other issues/challenges come into play when it is perceived that a woman is exhibiting behaviors/acts/attitudes typically associated with being a man (you get more of the, it is okay for a guy but not a gal stereotype). Overall, however, men and women alike question their ability to reach certain goals. As long as you still give it a shot, the lack of confidence is not an issue (in my opinion). If it cripples you, then that's another story.
I have no confidence in my running. I always feel before a race: "Am I going to make it?" And I never really know until about 2 miles from the finish. I think of my hard workouts. The times I didn't want to. And then I just do it, and try my best.
I am so glad to know it isn't just me! I'm such a new runner that I thought maybe as I continued to run more and farther, I'd gain more confidence in my ability. Now, I think maybe that will come more from consciously choosing to think I can than from simple experience. Can I be the Tortoise and The Little Engine That Could at the same time? 😉
Last week I hit the track for a speedwork session for the first time in over a year. During my warm up mile I ran well under pace and I didn't even realize it til the Garmin beeped. Running fast had just happened so easy and without even trying and yet when I toed the line to start my intervals I didn't think I could do them. I came in under pace on each 400 but as I began the next one, I still didn't think I could do it. I think we all struggle with our confidence in some way, shape or form; whether it's tempo runs, speedwork, hills, races, meeting up with a group for a run, etc. It's normal to some extent, you just can't let it eat away at you to the point that it hinders progress.
As for tooting your own horn, you are absolutely entitled to broadcasting how awesome you are after every accomplishment you make just so long as you don't become a peacock about it. 🙂
You couldn't come off as arrogant if you tried! You're too bubbly and too interested in others and how they are doing to come off as anything other than a self-confident, genuine, kind-hearted, thoughtful and beautiful, inside and out! Hold your head high and get ready to beat that 5K PR you just set! Yeah, you heard me! Ha ha! You're awesome, Speedy Shaw!
"I personally feel that if I get too confident it'll bite me in the butt." I feel this way all the time. If things are going well why can't we just relish in that fact with out being scared of what is to come. I wish I had the answer.
I am the same way. I get ready for a long run and i say "what the heck am I doing. Im not going to be able to do this." Then I do it. Repeat each time.
Its like a little surprise when you actually do it because you psyched your mind out to not do it.
I was that way with tests. I always thought i did terrible on a test (even though deep down I knew I was just setting myself up) and then when I would get the results back, I was pleasantly surprised.
See – as a runner I focused ono the question, 'But should I be thinking the opposite? "I can go faster!"' (instead of the woman questions – not qualified there)
You were only training for 5Ks for a week or so – since it was just 3 weeks ago you ran a marathon PR! You have the endurance – however, you can nearly always gain more speed! Heck – I set a 10K, 26 year old PR, after running marathons for 8 years. You just keep on getting at it! You have been running seriously for what – like just over a year! You have lots of speed to speed up to!! There will be good days and bad days – and even if the bad days outweigh the good days – you are still out there running! (or swimming or biking or . . . )
Great question! Reminds me of the quotation by Henri Ford, "Think you can, think you can't, either way you're right" 🙂
before every race i run i get the same nervous voice inside of my head that says "can you really do this"? i don't know what the answer is…but my opinion is this:
when it comes to women, especially those who are high achievers and set the bar very high for themselves take their goals very seriously. i know this all too well, i've been in this place before and am there right now with regard to my career (or lack there of). we want to win at everything we do and don't want to accept anything less, but, because the expectations are set so high we encounter self doubt.
what it comes down to for me is that i wish those damn self doubt voices in my head would just shut the F up! i think that is what i will tell them from now on! 🙂
Definitely get some self doubt going before races (although instead of talking about my doubt, I over compensate for it by bragging about my "legendary" kick)…
As far as workouts go I've never had that problem… with hill workouts I figure that I'll get em done no matter what as long as I just put my head down and keep my legs moving (although sometimes its not pretty)… distance workouts I've built enough endurance that I usually don't have a problem (and if for some reason I do I feel no shame in cutting them short as long as it only happens on rare occasions)… and as for speed workouts. If you can't complete it, then you're probably running too fast…
No one knows what they are fully capable of until they actually "do it". A year ago, you'd have thought this years marathon and 5K times weren't possible. Now you KNOW they are. You can't doubt what you've already done. Neither can you know what further feats you're capable of until you achieve those goals. Keep setting your goals and keep working hard. I, for one, have NO DOUBT that you will continue improve. Don't worry, just do it.
I agree with the lack of confidence and not wanting to be arrogant… but we blokes have the same anxieties. that's when I summon my Crash Davis to Nuke LaLoosh speech… "Don't think Meat… thinking can only hurt the ballclub"
Well, that's interesting. Maybe it is a gender thing, because I have never had thoughts like that. Before a workout I'm looking forward to enjoying it (I enjoy hard workouts) and have no doubts that I will be able to run the pace/times I have planned to (even though I sometimes don't). Before a race I am totally positive, planning to run well, burn the competition, finish strong, etc. I pump myself up with positive thoughts. It would never occur to me to think negative thoughts.
On the other hand, maybe it is a being in shape/preparation thing. If you are in good shape (having trained well) and prepared for and then tapered for the race, you will naturally expect to do well.
In fact, I think that probably is more significant than the gender thing. So all I can say is…train your body more and your mind will follow.
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