I had signed up for this race a while back thinking I’d be ok to run by the time it rolled around, however, Hampton is still hanging around so I was definitely debating whether or not I’d head over to Orlando for this 5K called the Monster Bash Dash.
After discussing it with my teammates (there were two others but they dropped out, losers) I decided it looked like way too much fun to pass up. I figured if it was anything like the Warrior Dash I could run/walk it and still have a blast.
|Robin, Chris-Brian, and Me before the start.|
This race was a first with “flags” for me. I was handed a belt with two Velcro flags on it and was instructed at the race start that we were going to be chased by monsters and zombies who would try to get said flags. We were also told that we could take flags back while on the course. Fair enough.
I told Chris-Brian and Robin to go ahead without me since they were both able to run the whole thing. I figured I’d just fend for myself and do my usual talking to random strangers thing. Heh.
We lined up for the start of the 6 PM wave and were told the flag rules and then a bugle boy played taps. I suppose it was for those of us who were not going to make it out…. alive. *Queue scary movie organ music*
As soon as we got running there was a big, black tarped tent that was pretty dark once you got inside. There was probably one or two monsters in here. And of course you were trying not to get your flag taken while running through. And what do I do? Get my first damn flag taken within two minutes of the race. I think I yelled “DAMMIT!” as soon as it got pulled.
I made it out of the first “obstacle” only to see Chris-Brian and Robin cruising ahead of me while both still have their two flags. Oh hell no. I’m not going down like this. I am keeping this effing flag and I’m getting one back. Game. On.
|One of the obstacles. There were ghouls stationed in this web.|
The race continues on and I find myself staring at two ropes with flags at the top. My t-rex arms and I attempt miserably to climb the rope and it’s just not happening. Mother fudger. I want that flag. As I leave these free flags a family comes up behind me and a son hops on his dad’s shoulders and gets the flag. Son-of-a-bi….
I run on an am chased by two lady monsters who didn’t really seem all that into getting my flag so I escaped them fairly easily. And one dude zombie runs at me with a flag in his mouth. Really dude? I run right at him and snatch it out of his teeth. Unfortunately, the Velcro is missing on this flag and I leave it on the course.
I arrive at a “wooden fence” so to speak and see flag up on the top posts but there is also a ghoul pacing around that I’d have to face in order to climb this fence for that flag. As soon as I decide to make a break for it, I’m over taken by a woman and three tween girls. The woman creates a diversion and the Beliebers scramble up the fence and take both flags. Son-of-a-bi….again. If I had brought a child with me I would have done much better at the start of this race.
At some point or other I find myself running with what I assumed was a father and his two kids, a little boy and a little girl. The little girl is super chatty with me. She tells me that her mom and sister are behind us because her little sister is slow. The little sister is six. She also tells me that she tricked one of the zombies by telling them she had asthma and they left her alone. Smart kid.
I notice that the little girl is sticking to me like glue and I ask the “dad” if she’s always this friendly. He says he doesn’t know her and that he just happened to be running with both her and the little boy, who he does know. Uhm, ok. It’s at this point that I decide I’ve found my “kid” for this race. I’m going to use her as bait, er, I mean a distraction, so we can both finish with flags. (Ok, really I just felt bad leaving her alone and she was pretty hilarious.) We continue on and are half heartedly chased by monsters and zombies. The little girl throws some of her bottled water on one of them. I laugh. What? I’m not her parent.
She and I basically ditch the dudes and come up on a long, tarped tunnel. It’s white tarped and ripped up and just spooky enough at this time of day to give me the willies. It was very quiet at this point in the race. As we approach I see a lady in white staring us down and eye balling my remaining flag. No way sister. Not. Gonna. Happen.
I lose the little girl at this point but I hear her screaming as she runs through the tunnel. I am also running and I see one or two more zombies coming at me. As I look down and to my right I see a pile of flags near the edge of the tarp. Jackpot. One ghoulie girl comes at me just as I dive toward the pile, grab a flag and high tail it out of there. She yells at me, “That’s cheating!”
Ok, so technically it probably was cheating. However, I was told I could take flags back while on the course. And who leaves a pile of flags out in the open when you know you have deranged runners coming through? I’m just saying.
I get through the tarp and have two flags now. Suck it monsters. The little girl is with me and low and behold she’s still got her flag too. We come out of the tunnel only to face a long field. It’s one zombie dude and we have to run straight down this field to get to another un-zombie area.
Let me back up and say I hadn’t really been running hard at this point. A few chases here and there but not full sprint or anything. Plus the stretches in between monster zones were long enough that I walked those. This all changed at this point. I apparently decided to be Neon Dieon Sanders and take this guy on bob and weave style.
I was faking left and right and back and forth. I did some spin moves just for the hell of it and made a very quick sprint out of that field. I kept my flag and probably over did it with the hammy, but dam it was fun. Suck it monsters.
This is the longest 5K recap ever. Sheesh. Sorry about that.
Anyway, as we got to yet another monster area I was told to put both of my flags on the outside since they had shifted to the front of my belt. No sooner had I done that did I get one of them taken away. Grrr!
We were so close to being finished that I really just wanted to finish with at least one flag. I wasn’t sure if I needed both to get the special “Survivor” t-shirt, but I was going to damn sure try.
With the little girl still at my side we made it past a few more monsters and headed toward the final finish area. I felt bad when a kiddie zombie came at me and I quick stepped backward which sent him sliding on his belly into a pile of leaves. I basically jumped over him and kept moving. Sorry kid. This flag is mine.
|Here he is showing off some poor suckers flags he stole.|
The last dude to really come at me was The Grim Reaper. He DID NOT want me to cross that finish line with a flag. I felt certain he was going to get it and I’d have no choice but to get the “I became the walking dead” t-shirt. Just as he came at me and I thought I’d see the end of this flag the little boy from earlier jumped in front of me and guarded me in to the finish. It was amazing. He had no flags left and yet here he was protecting little old me.
|He yelled, “Come on!” and laughed as the kid protected me.|
I crossed the finish line and handed over my one remaining flag. I was handed my medal and a ticket to go pick up the special “Survivor” t-shirt. That’s right. Suck it monsters.
|Bragging rights, oh yeah.|
|The finish with our medals.|
This was such a fun race. I’d definitely recommend you all try out a “flag” style race. Fortunately, I didn’t seem to make my leg worse although it was grouchy after this morning’s swim. Happy Tuesday! I hope you all had great Memorial Day weekends.
Sounds like the Hunger Games…oiy
But it sounds like so much fun! I HAVE to see if they have anything like that here.
Sounds awesome. I want to do one of these at some point. I have pretty sweet moves. I figure if I can out-maneuver our corgi puppy when he's trying to herd me in the back yard, I can avoid a few tricked out human freaks.
Congrats on being a survivor. It doesn't matter if you played dirty and used human shields. There is no cheating when fighting zombies and monsters. Shane would approve.
Great recap! It all makes so much more sense now. 🙂
Sounds like you met your very own Rue! Looks like an awesome race. And I am extra happy for you that Mr. Hampton is staying at bay.
Best race recap blog!!
Before I was bummed..now I'm pissed I missed it!
Great job Frankie and TWO Brides!
Sounds like a really fun race! And I love that you used a random kid to your advantage. 🙂
bwahahah. That is the most amazing race ever. I fully support the use and abuse of random children to survive 🙂
No Gloria Gayner reference?
this is insane. did this really happen? was this a dream? good grief. I hope your hamstring heals so you can get back to less insane things. although I love it when kids go down.
This sounds awesome!!! Love that you used a kid to help you out!! Love it!
How fun! I'd be more inclined to shoot the zombies, so it might be best to avoid this kind of obstacle course.
this sounds like an incredibly kick ass race! i loved this race report. i need to find one of these races. pronto!
That. Sounds. Awesome.
(ps – love the Rue comment. Not that I'm a 12 y/o girl but I love that book)
How did I not know you were doing this?!?!? Sounds like a blast and I love the shirt!
Wow – this sounds intense. I like the craziness of it for sure.
sounds like fun! and using the little children – way to go 😉