On Thanksgiving I found a yoga studio that was having a free class at 9am. I decided I would go since I have been feeling the need to stretch more lately. Plus, they were taking canned goods as donations. I could help others and myself at the same time. Two-fer!

I arrived early at the class and the instructor handed me a block and a blanket. I had no idea what this stuff is for. Apparently, they are for people (a la me) who can’t quite make the full poses.

The instructor started with a little Thanksgiving story which was nice, but I kind of wanted to get moving. Once we did start the stretching I noticed people a lot older than me moving easily from pose to pose. Those jerks. How dare they be more flexible than me! Grrr! Again, my competitivenss is out of control these days. I am sure these people are regulars. In fact a few of the women just got back from India and were insanely flexible. Which made me a wee bit jealous. I can’t help it!

Ok, so I know that yoga is supposed to be all peaceful and relaxing and blah blah blah, but I can’t help but feel stupid when Grandma Moses is better than me. I tried not to pay attention as Grandpa Joe wrapped his ankle around his head while I barely touched my toes.

To make matters worse, I was right next to a window. I kept seeing runners pass and thinking, “Hey! Wait for me! I am a runner too! What am I doing in here with these Gumby’s?”*

At one point we were in some animal pose (crouching squirrel, hidden duckbill platapus) and I couldn’t get low enough with my hips so the instructor came over and pushed me further into it and realized that my hips just wouldn’t budge. She stuffed the blanket under them to give me the support. Sigh. I am a yoga failure.

The final portion of the class that involved what I like to call sleeping, was too much for me yesterday. When she said we would have 10 minutes of relaxation I felt like I had ants in my pants. This whole relaxation stuff at the end just isn’t for me. I have things to do people! (Hello Type A!)

Now, it wasn’t all bad. The stretching was certainly nice on my muscles and there were some great new poses I had never tried, in yoga or otherwise. (Heh, perv alert!) I just don’t know if yoga is for me, at least not yet. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so I am going to give it another try and attempt to be more centered or whatever.

My hips don’t lie, yogini I am not.

*Please don’t take this offensively followers of yoga. I am just upset that I suck at yoga. Don’t worry, I’ll keep trying.