I started writing this post and as I read it, I realized how completely ridiculous it sounded and had to delete and start the whole thing over.
To sum up: I had a very bad ride yesterday and let my cycling frustration take me to a sad place where I beat myself up and negative self-talked my way into an embarrassing ugly cry meltdown. (Cue the hash tag: first world people problems.)
When I called the S.O. I immediately told him I was not having fun and if this was any indication of the how summer-long Ironman training was going to go, I should probably throw in the towel. He listened, made me laugh through sobs, and helped me look at my options.

Sure, I can throw in the towel and say this wasn’t fun and I’m putting way too much pressure on it. And get my weekends and sleeping in back, before it gets really crazy. Plus, you know, I’m not really enjoying this cycling thing right now. Or I can also decide to stop being such a maniac and have fun. Realizing, that at the end of the day, finishing an Ironman really and truly doesn’t matter in the bigger scope of my life. Meaning, it’s not in any capacity as important as my health, my family, and friends. I’ve lost a loved one and I know how my perspective has changed, which is why I really need to not get worked up about a dang bicycle.

So what am I going to do? Well, I’m certainly not going to quit. For one thing, I paid a lot of money. For another, there are a bunch of people who didn’t get into IMChattanooga and me just giving up now would be real shitty to them. In addition, I have awesome friends to train with and lean on. My biggest obstacle right now is me. I’m going to have fun dammit!

Ultimately, I’m not a quitter. I have had many tough races and I’ve always been able to find something positive in them. I’ve come so far on the bike already and one day of losing perspective isn’t going to derail my whole journey.

To those who can’t physically do what I am so blessed to be able to do and aim to achieve, I am sorry for being a baby. I’m going to finish what I started and I’m going to enjoy the ride.