But then as I re-read it, I thought to myself. “What the eff are you complaining about? Shut the hell up.” And my inner monologue was right. It was so right that it even rolled it’s damn eyes at me.
What the hell am I complaining about?
Ok, fine, so MCM shook me up. It wasn’t the best race I’ve ever had and I must stop punishing myself because of it. I said I was fine with the time and ok with having to stop and walk, but my actions and questions of late have said otherwise. I’ve been punishing myself and doubting my abilities.
When I look back at where I was as a runner in 2009, the death march that was the Disney Marathon, makes me feel a little silly complaining about MCM. Sure it wasn’t a PR but it was still a very respectable time AND I finished my 4th marathon. That counts for something right, inner monologue?
I think what is happening right now is that I feel so much more confident in my speed then I do my long runs and that’s only because I had a great Turkey Trot. In addition, my speed work has been improving.
In my head I feel that I should be faster for the long runs than I am right now. But this is just preposterous. The B.o.B. from 2009 should hop in a time machine and come kick me in the baby maker. I’m being ridiculous.
I am so hard on myself and I need to realize that my pace right now is EXACTLY where my pace should be. No more, no less. Had God wanted me to be an Olympic runner he or she would have put me in Kenya.
The reason I am posting this at all is because I know there are so many of you who feel the same way. Stop it. It’s silly. We run to get better, to be better. But if it’s constant questioning of our skill, then it’s just not fun anymore. And dammit, I want to have fun!
I am taking a vow of “Shut the Hell Up.” Whenever I start to say (which to my friends and family I apologize for being such a pain in the ass about this lately) “maybe I’m not a marathoner” please look at me and say, “B.o.B., shut the hell up.”
And peeps, I want all of you to also, shut the hell up.