Ever since my ironman, which was over a year ago now, I’ve been chasing the runner I was. I see those PR’s I have posted back from 2011 and 2012 and think…oof.
After almost every race since then I’ve lamented how I used to be so much faster. And I keep going after races with those times in the back of mind.
I’m training hard and working on building back that confidence and ignorant bliss of just enjoying the run. I’ve done more strength training this year than I have in the last five. I’m focused on having a great swim at the Tampa Bay Frogman 5K. And I look back at past months to see what I can do better this month.
I’m doing a lot to build myself up as an athlete physically. However, what I’m not doing, that I could and should be doing, is celebrating and embracing the runner that I am right now.
“I’m so good at being positive for other people but I tend to struggle being positive for myself.” Runladylike’s Jesica
said this the other day and I one hundred percent understood what she meant. I do it too.
I love encouraging others and helping others but I find it difficult to celebrate my own achievements sometimes. And I am so very hard on myself. Even small achievements like getting in a solid workout after work or making healthier food choices aren’t given any credit. I don’t give myself props for nearly enough of the things that I do well.
During recent training runs I have been seeing glimmers of my former running self and it’s great, but instead of being happy, I tend to dwell on the times I “used” to be able to run. The whole thing is really a waste of energy and is helping exactly no one.
The runner that I am right now, right this very moment is no slouch. Sure I’m not setting blazing new PR’s, but I’m still working hard and doing my best. And it’s all relative, fast to me, may be slow as hell to you. And vice versa.
I know that if I were talking to a friend in the same boat, I would tell her – You. Are. Awesome
. You’re working at it and it’s OK. It’s a fantastic lifestyle that you focus on and want to be better at but you can only do your very best and that is more than enough.
The runner I am right now is pretty kick ass and I am happy to celebrate me. I invite you to do the same. Celebrate the runner you are right now and look forward to celebrating the runner you will be tomorrow.