I have a nice little weekend planned, except for the whole wonky ankle thing. I spoke with a PT and she thinks that it may be tendinitis. Not fun. I am going to attempt a bike ride in the morning with the BRA.

Let me start by saying that I have not ridden a bike since about, oh, let’s see, 1991. I know they say “it’s just like riding a bike” but what the hell do they know? I would like to tell you why I haven’t ridden a bike in so long. It’s quite embarrassing and thus, I am sure you will all find it an entertaining-laugh-at-my-expense read.

Picture it. B-town. 1991. An eleven-year-old B.o.B. is riding her amazing red, tom-boy-esque bike replete with trick spokes and pegs. She has named it Firecracker. Her arch nemesis/best friend forever* from next door is riding in front of her on some lame-o pink beach cruiser.

Being the bad ass that she is, she decides to pursue said lame-o pink beach cruiser. An evil sneer spreads across her face, like Scott Farkus on A Christmas Story. She begins to pick up the speed. Her intent is to pass said lame-o pink beach cruiser and beat her arch nemesis/best friend forever to their homes which were next door to each other.

She is giving it all she has and has almost caught up to her Purple Pie Man/Strawberry Shortcake** neighbor. She is headed down dead man’s curve (um, a right turn in suburbia) and is about to turn on to the straight away (um, her street in suburbia). Just as she is about to make a turn and thus, the greatest take-down in bicycling history (this is pre-Lance Armstrong mania, after all) she sees a car headed straight in her path. She can’t stop. Her sheer velocity won’t allow it. She crashes right into the side of the moving vehicle.

The guy in the vehicle has his passenger side window open and her handle bars have gotten stuck in his car. He stops his car, helps her get them out and says, “You ok?”
She shakily nods her head and watches as She-ra/Catra*** rides by, seemingly amused.

As our sweet, little eleven-year-old B.o.B. begins to cry she walks Firecracker back to her home. She whimpers and tells her sister**** of her MAJOR accident***** and vows never to ride again.

This incident has scared the bajeesus out of her. Not only did she lose to her arch nemesis/best friend forever, she also lost her will to ride ever again.

*Little girls often have an arch nemesis who also happens to be best friend forever. Don’t ask. It’s just how it is until about age 16.

**Purple Pie Man is Strawberry Shortcake’s arch nemesis, hello?

***Catra is She-Ra’s arch nemesis, sheesh did you watch ANY cartoons in the 80’s/90’s?

****Sister finds this story hilarious, both in 1991 and in 2009.

*****Obviously not a major accident as I wasn’t hurt at all. But biking wasn’t the same after. I still rode my bike but stopped altogether when I found boys about 4 years later.