TGI-motha-effin-F!
I have a nice little weekend planned, except for the whole wonky ankle thing. I spoke with a PT and she thinks that it may be tendinitis. Not fun. I am going to attempt a bike ride in the morning with the BRA.
Let me start by saying that I have not ridden a bike since about, oh, let’s see, 1991. I know they say “it’s just like riding a bike” but what the hell do they know? I would like to tell you why I haven’t ridden a bike in so long. It’s quite embarrassing and thus, I am sure you will all find it an entertaining-laugh-at-my-expense read.
Picture it. B-town. 1991. An eleven-year-old B.o.B. is riding her amazing red, tom-boy-esque bike replete with trick spokes and pegs. She has named it Firecracker. Her arch nemesis/best friend forever* from next door is riding in front of her on some lame-o pink beach cruiser.
Being the bad ass that she is, she decides to pursue said lame-o pink beach cruiser. An evil sneer spreads across her face, like Scott Farkus on A Christmas Story. She begins to pick up the speed. Her intent is to pass said lame-o pink beach cruiser and beat her arch nemesis/best friend forever to their homes which were next door to each other.
She is giving it all she has and has almost caught up to her Purple Pie Man/Strawberry Shortcake** neighbor. She is headed down dead man’s curve (um, a right turn in suburbia) and is about to turn on to the straight away (um, her street in suburbia). Just as she is about to make a turn and thus, the greatest take-down in bicycling history (this is pre-Lance Armstrong mania, after all) she sees a car headed straight in her path. She can’t stop. Her sheer velocity won’t allow it. She crashes right into the side of the moving vehicle.
The guy in the vehicle has his passenger side window open and her handle bars have gotten stuck in his car. He stops his car, helps her get them out and says, “You ok?”
She shakily nods her head and watches as She-ra/Catra*** rides by, seemingly amused.
As our sweet, little eleven-year-old B.o.B. begins to cry she walks Firecracker back to her home. She whimpers and tells her sister**** of her MAJOR accident***** and vows never to ride again.
This incident has scared the bajeesus out of her. Not only did she lose to her arch nemesis/best friend forever, she also lost her will to ride ever again.
*Little girls often have an arch nemesis who also happens to be best friend forever. Don’t ask. It’s just how it is until about age 16.
**Purple Pie Man is Strawberry Shortcake’s arch nemesis, hello?
***Catra is She-Ra’s arch nemesis, sheesh did you watch ANY cartoons in the 80’s/90’s?
****Sister finds this story hilarious, both in 1991 and in 2009.
*****Obviously not a major accident as I wasn’t hurt at all. But biking wasn’t the same after. I still rode my bike but stopped altogether when I found boys about 4 years later.
Congratulations, you beat me in number of asterisked footnotes today!
I am laughing at your expense…
Aww poor lil' B.o.B! I can sense the fear. I laughed. But I can still sense it 🙂
BoB,
1) I've never had anyone simultaneously share nemesis/bff status. Guess I'm an all or nothing sort.
2) Having had my own bike run into car story (car won), I'm filled with admiration over your willingness to "get back in the saddle".
3) If the bike doesn't work out, you can always put a harness on Lloyd and have him pull you in a baby jogger.
4) Thanks for the laugh, it was sorely needed.
5) See you tomorrow my brave friend!
thanks for the laugh. 🙂
I'm sorry, but I just LOL'd! 🙂 Too funny! Surely you wont have the same experience this weekend. Fingers crossed!
Ohmygosh, this story is so funny! Seriously, when people say, "it's just like riding a bike" – i'm all, well that sucks for me because i sucked at riding a bike. I can commiserate, my friend!
if you think that's bad, when I was younger I ran into a parked cop car and knocked myself out. The cop came out of his house and carried my bloody mouth self home to my mother. talk about embarrassing! the damn car was parked…i swear it jumped out of nowhere. the last thing I remember was looking up at the trees.
Ohhhh, you can do it b.O.b.!! Show that bike who's boss! Have a great weekend. Good luck with your ankle… seriously!
P.S. I thought I was the only one who had an arch nemesis/BFF (although we didn't use the term BFF back then, did we?
That is really funny! I think the whole arch nemisis/BFF thing last long than 16 now sadly. I think that goes way into college for some! I am sure your experiences as an adult bike rider will be much better!
omg I just laughed my ASS of at work reading that post!!!!
Is it bad that I'm not so secretly hoping there will be a follow up "2009" version of that story???? Cause that would really make this story outstanding! haha jk but good luck with the bike!!! Hope its as easy as they say.
PS. In your profile, the thing about your rooster maple syrup dispenser… priceless!
Oh also, what part of FL are you in? One of my best friends lives down there and is planning to do both the Jax Beach marathon and Disney. We did Disney last year… it was awesome!!!
you are a riot! I am so scared of riding a bike….so scared to fall! I hope that you are on the mend!
haha Scott Farkus!
Ah so the story is finally recounted in all it's glory! LMAO! Go get your xtrain on girl!!! Biking is fun and you can totally pass all the speedy's while they're running and taunt them… it's your only chance! Live it up! LOL!
1. YOULL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT.
2. That PT's got your back stick with her
3: Boys dig chicks who ride
4. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR RIDE!
Love the story.
I thought I was the only one who watch She-Ra.
And I just got a bike a month ago. It too it the first one that I have ridden since about that age and it was the first time I rode a bike with gears. I must say that I am surprised by how much I love it and look forward to riding. You'll be great! Just make sure you test those brakes before you get out there!
Don't worry. Riding a bike is just like riding a bike: you never forget how to run into cars. Good luck.
OMG. The whole BFF with your arch nemesis…so true!
Have fun on that ride tomorrow! I'm sure you'll do better then last time.
good luck, if you want a fun alternative, ride bikes drunk, you'll end up with crazy cuts and bruises and no memory of falling. Happened last weekend. ha ha
OMG, we are like totally the same!
I was freaking afraid of biking… ever since a bike accident in childhood. I was a bit younger, and it didn't involve a car, but a boy. Who liked me, and picked on me!!!!! and thanks to him, I didn't bike for years!
It's funny but I sort wrote about the same thing today and linked to an old post about that childhood trauma!
And now, when I ride, it's like looking fear straight in its eyes. Funny how it puts everyhting in perspective. A hard thing to do at work? What-evah, I can do anything, I can ride a bike now.
LMAO…I totally get the arch nemisis/BFF thing hahahahaha
hmmmm. perhaps you should stay off the bike this weekend. i'm pretty sure there will be booze around you 😉 have a great long weekend!
Great story. Ha. Girls are funny like that. :o)
HI! Love your blog!! I am a running freak too!LOL I am new to blogging so i wanted to invite you over to visit my blog! It is still under construction but..
Here's hoping you find another arch-nemesis that will INSPIRE you to get over your bike fears! Loved all your 80s cartoon references! Brings back memories…
You are so freakn' hilarious! I hope the ride today cured your fears!
So funny! I used to LOVE She-ra.
I'm new here.lol
I bet I haven't ridden a bike for like 30 years. I'd envision that riding one now would resemble Phoebe from friends riding her bike, lol (IF you've seen that episode).
Cute story, btw 🙂
Perhaps training wheels? J/K! Just take it easy, watch far ahead and look around, and you'll have fun!
My only question is…
there isn't a nemesis/best friend forever* in the BRA is it? If so, you many wanna stay home. 🙂
Awesome story! I'm still chuckling.
I tried riding a bike for the first time since college a couple years ago. It was not a pretty sight.